Apathy is one of my least favorite words. This is the fatal wound that causes the church to look at the mess under it’s feet, and decide that it isn’t worth the effort to reach out and be love to a dying world. God seems to have given me the want to want to not want apathy. This isn’t something I was born with, or something that I have worked to achieve, but I know the little faith I have has been given to me. The past week this faith has been tested, and I think I have failed by wanting apathy.
When I look back at the week, I see now that I should have known it would come. I had forgotten to pray every day. I had given in to judging. I had given myself over to apathy with the nice living conditions at the guest house. I had even decided that it was alright.
We arrived back here in Chepilat and things seemed to be going all wrong. When I would pray, I knew there was something in the way, because I didn’t have any passion for outreach in the community. Having an energy to be in the community was something, and it seemed like one of the only things, that God had equipped me with, so when it wasn’t there, I didn’t know what to do. I guess the things I have seen in the past few months have been really great, so when the gifts that God had given me didn’t seem to be there, I really felt at a loss.
So I went outside to pray.
The thing that I was shown was my unfaithfulness to the gospel. Love your enemies is what He said. I would repeat this to the tribes who were full of hatred toward each other, but in the little things it was hard for me to love people for who they were. I was telling people that judging would ruin relationships, but after all that I would still do it. Hypocrisy comes easiest when you apathetically don’t care.
Back when we were in training things were so easy. Every day was either a celebration of the little church we had going there, or was full of spiritual growth. We saw God in just about everything. God was making himself very clear to us.
We are now far from there. The past week for all of us has been hard for many different reasons, and I have realized that I have forgotten many things that should never be forgotten. I can’t see what I could just a few weeks ago. It is very sad when you can’t see the light that keeps you going. ‘Every lament is a love song.’
That night when I went out to pray, God told me one thing, and made it very clear: that the faith I had in training was the first step, but that He required something more.
When the light in a dark room is turned on, do you have any doubt of what is in the room? But what happens when the light is turned off, and you are asked to start walking? Faith is strongest when you can’t see.
That night He still said ‘Go’.
Praises:
-God faithfully teaching
-Safe trips
-The relationships we are building here
Prayer Requests:
-Strength in our team as we are down a member
-Stef’s time in Nairobi
-Strength in Chepilat Mennonite Church
When I look back at the week, I see now that I should have known it would come. I had forgotten to pray every day. I had given in to judging. I had given myself over to apathy with the nice living conditions at the guest house. I had even decided that it was alright.
We arrived back here in Chepilat and things seemed to be going all wrong. When I would pray, I knew there was something in the way, because I didn’t have any passion for outreach in the community. Having an energy to be in the community was something, and it seemed like one of the only things, that God had equipped me with, so when it wasn’t there, I didn’t know what to do. I guess the things I have seen in the past few months have been really great, so when the gifts that God had given me didn’t seem to be there, I really felt at a loss.
So I went outside to pray.
The thing that I was shown was my unfaithfulness to the gospel. Love your enemies is what He said. I would repeat this to the tribes who were full of hatred toward each other, but in the little things it was hard for me to love people for who they were. I was telling people that judging would ruin relationships, but after all that I would still do it. Hypocrisy comes easiest when you apathetically don’t care.
Back when we were in training things were so easy. Every day was either a celebration of the little church we had going there, or was full of spiritual growth. We saw God in just about everything. God was making himself very clear to us.
We are now far from there. The past week for all of us has been hard for many different reasons, and I have realized that I have forgotten many things that should never be forgotten. I can’t see what I could just a few weeks ago. It is very sad when you can’t see the light that keeps you going. ‘Every lament is a love song.’
That night when I went out to pray, God told me one thing, and made it very clear: that the faith I had in training was the first step, but that He required something more.
When the light in a dark room is turned on, do you have any doubt of what is in the room? But what happens when the light is turned off, and you are asked to start walking? Faith is strongest when you can’t see.
That night He still said ‘Go’.
Praises:
-God faithfully teaching
-Safe trips
-The relationships we are building here
Prayer Requests:
-Strength in our team as we are down a member
-Stef’s time in Nairobi
-Strength in Chepilat Mennonite Church
1 comment:
Thanks for a wake-up call that I needed to hear again. Living in our busyness and constant abundance - and it's still relative abundance despite the current state of the American economy - it's so easy to be complacent and apathetic. Two quotes came to mind as I read your post: "The opposite of love is not hate, but apathy" and "Depression is just anger without enthusiasm." I heard this Franciscan blessing again last night and want to share it:
May the Lord bless you with dissatisfaction over easy answers, half-truths and superficial relationships so that you may live in the depth of your heart.
May the Lord bless you with anger
against injustice, oppression and the exploitation of others so that you may commit yourself to justice, freedom and peace.
May the Lord bless you with flowing tears, weeping for the victims of hardship, rejection, famine and war, so that you may reach out your hands to console them and transform their sorrow into joy.
And may the Lord bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world and succeed in bringing about what others say is impossible.
Jude 2, Barb
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